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Signs and Symbols

On this day, 2nd October, 2014, my darling younger sister Emma died. Her tired battered and bruised body could no longer hold her energy, her love of life and the unique view she had on the world.

Cancer ate her up from the inside, and in spite of her brave battle and determination to live each moment of her precious life to the full, she was unable to overcome this monstrous beast.

Of course, when we lose someone we love, we look for comfort from family and friends and signs and symbols that the energetic spirits that have left us are somehow able to awaken our senses and guide us through the grief and loss that engulfs us. I have been blessed with love and support from those who care and I thank you all sincerely.

Yesterday afternoon as I was walking back from the beach with Jack I noticed an odd rainbow spectrum. The sun was shining brightly and it was warm: 1st day of October and 15’c. There was a long low grey, cumulus cloud and through a small gap in this could the spectrum appeared. It was not a true rainbow because it was circular rather than arched, but it caught my eye and turned my mind towards Dad and Emma. I imagined their collective energetic spirits guiding me on. When I shared this with Melanie today she responded that she had seen exactly the same thing in Cornwall.

My sighting was then followed by a white feather (an Angel’s feather from ‘Heaven’?) falling just in front of me and urging me to pick it up, which I did and put alongside pebbles and shells that I have collected at special moments in my life.

My dear friend C texted to say that as she was busy in her garden, and had just been thinking of me, a ladybird landed on her arm. C greatly believes in signs and symbols and immediately texted me to tell me that she believed it was a sign of support and love from the wandering energetic spirits that guide us, cajole and comfort us in times of grief and despair.

I have been sad today but also strangely at peace with the loss I have experienced and recognise that there are so many levels of loss, grief and abandonment that many people have to deal with, but that life’s busy-ness distracts us and keeps us going forwards.

Life is ever changing, challenging and all encompassing. I try to grab each moment that I can and love that I can get lost in a time and space that allows my imagination to seek out signs and symbols that ultimately offer comfort and peace.

Signs and Symbols – a poem

Your energy has gone, dispersed and scattered in the air,

ions and atoms – minuscule spectacles of dust,

alive and organic, still able to influence change.

I listen and see your connection with me

And through my tears feel calm and safe.

To have loved you, known you and shared precious time,

guides and comforts me, you’ll always be mine,

to have and to hold and take on life’s journey,

a view from your eyes, mind and heart support me.

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